Madeleine, sometimes this is a blog, sometimes this is a place I post quotes I want to remember, not much continuity, etc.Ask me anything Submit
“How much she wanted it — that people should look pleased as she came in, Clarissa thought and turned and walked back towards Bond Street, annoyed, because it was silly to have other reasons for doing things. Much rather would she have been one of those people like Richard who did things for themselves, whereas, she thought, waiting to cross, half the time she did things not simply, not for themselves; but to make people think this or that; perfect idiocy she knew (and now the policeman held up his hand) for no one was ever for a second taken in. Oh if she could have had her life over again! she thought, stepping on to the pavement, could have looked even differently!”
“Did it matter then, she asked herself, walking towards Bond Street, did it matter that she must inevitably cease completely; all this must go on without her; did she resent it; or did it not become consoling to believe that death ended absolutely? but that somehow in the streets of London, on the ebb and flow of things, here, there, she survived, Peter survived, lived in each other, she being part, she was positive, of the trees at home; of the house there, ugly, rambling all to bits and pieces as it was; part of people she had never met; being laid out like a mist between the people she knew best, who lifted her on their branches as she had seen the trees lift the mist, but it spread ever so far, her life, herself.”
-Virginia Woolf, “Mrs. Dalloway”
“Once the miracle of creation has taken place, the group can build and extend it, but the group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind of a single man.” -East of Eden
“to follow her voice was to feel and share the excitement of swift and secure flight”
“One by one, they were all becoming shades. Better pass boldly into that other world, in the full glory of some passion, than fade and wither dismally with age.”
-James Joyce, “The Dead”
Sand attaches to the moist fruit, like memory to the soft parts of the brain.
He’s feeling hella good, but it’s cloyingly artificial.
- Louie: So whats up man?
- Eddie: Okay look, I know I burned our bridge, you know. We're old friends and all that, hurray, but I got no bridges left. I burned all the bridges, I burned roads, I burned the trails, I burned the hiking path. Ih- it's all gone.
- Louie: So what do you need?
- Eddie: I don't need anything. I just want to talk to you. I want to tell you something.
- Louie: Okay.
- Eddie: [mockingly] Okay? Okay?
- Louie: Yeah I'm listening. Go ahead.
- Eddie: Alright man, look, I'm cashing in. I'm done. I'm forty-shit years old. I got nothing. I got nobody. And I don't want anything. I don't want anybody. And thats the worst part, when the want goes. Thats - thats bad. Suffering is one thing; not having is one thing; but when you just don't care anymore, you know? I've gone soft in the last three pussies I've been in. You get to a point where you go “maybe it's time to put a period at the end of my-” whatever this was.
- Louie: So you're gonna quit comedy?
- Eddie: [laughs] how dense are you? Comedy? Who gives a shit about comedy man?
- Louie: Well then what are you talking about?
- Eddie: My life! I'm going to end it. I – I went to a doctor, listen to me. I went to a doctor, and I'm just trying to get a scrip for ambien and I'm bull shitting the guy, the whole fear of flying nonsense, like I've ever been on a plain in my career, and the doctor gets this look on his face like he knows, like he's going to chuck me out of the office. All of the sudden, he gives me these. [takes out pill bottle] It's phenomadrine
- Louie: What is it?
- Eddie: He tells me “only take one of these a week”. It's like the strongest most dangerous shit this side of Bangkock. He tells me “do not take more than one. Two of these'll stop your heart.”
- Louie: A doctor gave you those?
- Eddie: Yeah, it made no sense at first. I mean look at me. [wheezing laugh] Take one look at me, you're gonna give me these with a verbal warning?
- Louie: Well why would he do that?
- Eddie: Because he took one look at me and he realized thats the only prescription thats gonna improve my life, death.
- Louie: Jesus Christ Eddie.
- Eddie: No, the guy's right. The guy probably deserves a nobel prize. And I don't need a second opinion. I'm going to Maine, I'm gonna do my show, get a lobster roll maybe, get a motel room, and throw three of these things down my head with some Konyack.
- Louie: Why are you here telling me this right now?
- Eddie: You know [chuckles] I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say good bye to someone. If I leave a note it's just gonna get burned with my clothes. So I figured you for the one guy that, you know, I could say adios to.
- Louie: Eddie this is bullshit you can't kill yourself.
- Eddie: Oh yes I can. I have a note from a doctor.
- Louie: I don't give a shit what that guy said, you can't do that.
- Eddie: And why can't I do that?
- Louie: Because
- Eddie: Louie look me in the eye and tell me I have one good reason to live.
- Louie: [looks around, thinking] No.
- Eddie: See, you got nothin.
- Louie: No – no I'm not – I'm not playing that. I'm not doin it.
- Eddie: What do you mean?
- Louie: I mean – I mean fuck you man. I got my reasons to live. I worked hard to figure out what they are. I'm not just handing them to you. Okay? You want a reason to live? Have a drink of water and get some sleep. Wake up in the morning and try again like everyone else does.
- Eddie: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Yeah, “tough love”.
- Louie: Nah, no love. Okay? More like “tough not giving a shit anymore”, Eddie. If you want to tap out cause your life is shit... you know what it's not your life. It's life. It's- life is bigger than you. If you can imagine that. Life isn't something that you possess. It's something that you take part in and you witness.
- Eddie: [giggling] You are – you are so excited right now. That you get to give the big speech. You would love to be the guy that talks this loser, who you never think about, out of suicide so you feel better about yourself. This is not about you Louie. This is just me saying good bye. It was nice to know you when I knew you.
- Louie: You know you're laying this shit on me because-
- [A couple arguing loudly with each other walks near by and the two look over for a moment. The couple is gone and they stand in silence for another moment.]
- Louie: Listen man, I-I haven't seen you in twenty years. And you're right I don't think much about you. I hope you don't kill yourself. I really do. But I gotta go home.
- Eddie: Alright
- Louie: [talking over Eddie's line] I gotta pick up my kids in the morning.
- Eddie: Okay man.
- [They shake hands]
- Louie: [skeptical] Alright man. I'm gonna take the subway okay?
- Eddie: Alright. Thanks buddy.
- Louie: Good luck in Maine okay?
- [Louie gives Eddie a light slap on the cheek and a weak tap on the chest and walks away. He waves back as he goes and Eddie returns the wave. Eddie gets in his car and drives away.]